Sorry to my 5 followers that it has been a couple weeks. :) I figured since it was Monday, and there are PLENTY of things to complain about, I would list some things that make me happy.
- Ryan. He's enough
- New lip gloss, love it.
- A good run
- Hearing "wub you mommy" from Leyton
- Ryder's smile
- Handwritten notes/letters, just because
- Dave Matthews LIVE at LUTHER COLLEGE
- Cyber wraps
- Wheel of Fortune (don't judge me)
- Team WestCoHart
- LRC with the Westwoods
- Cardinal baseball (especially in October)
- Trivia/Game night with the Wilhelms
- Answered prayer
- Sunflowers
- My sister's laugh...when she really thinks something is funny
- Sweatpants and hoodies
- Cherry limeades, wedge salads, sushi and fresh fruit
That's enough for now. More to come...
"Where there is pain, there is growth." Yea...not sure I agree with that one. Sometimes pain is just pain. There are things and circumstances in life that just plain hurt, without explanation. I've waited a week. I wasn't sure I was going to blog about this at all, but then again I feel like there is so much to share.
As some of you may know, I'm blessed beyond words to be best friends with Natalie. She is one of the most kind hearted, selfless and faithful people I know. She and her husband Wes were trying for a very long time to get pregnant. We prayed and prayed and prayed and then prayed some more for God to give life. Finally, I got the call that she was pregnant. I couldn't be more excited. I was sworn to secrecy for the first trimester. And then came the call I was waiting for...at least I thought so. The call to remove the silence. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! To my surprise her voice was distraught, broken. They received news at their ultrasound that they were having twins and one would not make it. I believe the doctors words were, "It would take an act of God".
I was on it. If that's all it took, I would pray relentlessly. Day after day, week after week, month after month, I prayed. My family, my husband, my prayer partners at Church were all begging God for a miracle. In the midst of this ordeal, Natalie called once again in tears. She told me she was having twin girls...Kayla Hope and Quinn Kathryn. She asked if I would be Kayla's one and only Godparent. I was speechless. She thought I was fighting before! What an honor!
As the arrival date approached, another call and more tears. Natalie asked if I would speak at a small immediate family only service for Kayla if she didn't make it. I kept composed while on the phone and agreed to her request. Once she hung up, I lost it. I never acknowledged that Kayla would not make it. One week ago today, two beautiful baby girls were born. My Goddaughter Kayla Hope lived a precious 2 hours. She got to meet her loving parents, grandparents and a couple aunts and uncles before passing. I made it there hours after she was gone, but was still given the opportunity to see her, pray with her and hold her for a bit. She was perfect. I didn't think I could love any child like my own, but she stole my heart.
This is by far the most difficult time I've ever gone through. It ripped me apart to see my best friend lose her child. It killed me to have to speak at my beautiful Goddaughter's funeral. I believe God has been and will continue to be in complete control, but that doesn't always make it easier. It would be easier to stay angry, confused, distraught...but I'm choosing to be thankful....
I'm thankful for the Cross.
I'm thankful death isn't the end.
I'm thankful for Natalie Marie.
I'm thankful for Kayla Hope.
I'm thankful for 2 hours.
I'm thankful for my second family.
I'm thankful for tears and hugs.
But most of all, I'm thankful that God does answer prayer. Quinn Kathryn is a precious, gorgeous and perfect baby girl. She is home and doing well with mommy and daddy.
Kayla I will never forget you. It's been my honor to be a part of your short life. Every time I look at my wrist, I will think of you. Can't wait to see you again one day...I love you.
